Coping With Injury Mid Season and the Emotional Impact

2013 Season Recap

How I spent most of my summer - hanging out with chickens!

I was really looking forward to this season! I stayed quite focused this winter and biked in really frigid conditions and even with snow flakes falling on my tri bike and cute Zipp wheels! I got up at the crack of dawn to get to the pool and made my poor family get up earlier as well because my husband would drop the kids off at the pool at an early hour in the morning before he headed to work. I worked hard. I was focused. I am determined. I am a triathlete.

In January I was struck with plantar fasciitis and that hampered my run training but by April I was up and running and did three sprint triathlons. The plantar fasciitis is still a problem however. A couple of days after that third triathlon my leg "blew" up when I was running on April 29th. It was only a couple of miles but I couldn't finish the run. My leg became very inflamed on my left shin and a lump developed that is still present. I continued to attempt running until May 15th and even did another triathlon the first weekend in May but I came to realize that it was impossible and the pain was too much. I continued to bike but really I knew I shouldn't have been biking. I was sobbing attempting to "get through" rides. I was determined and I pushed on no matter the pain. Although there were several times I got off my bike sobbing thinking there was no way to continue on. Still pushing I did the swim and bike portion of a sprint in the first weekend in June. I continued to ignore the pain and really couldn't push in the swim or bike.

As it is impossible to actually get an appointment with a doctor I ended up with an appointment with a Physician Assistant at an orthopedic office. It was 6-8 weeks out to actually see an orthopedic physician in our area. The PA had an X-Ray done which was clear, called my injury a shin splint, and sent me away with 12 days of steroids. He told me I couldn't race and really couldn't do anything and it might heal in 6-12 months, but possibly I could speed walk in 7 weeks. I rested. It did hurt to swim. The pain was really sharp when I attempted to kick. It did hurt to bike. I knew it was time for me to rest.

Rest with steroids for 12 days you say?? If you have ever taken prednisone before you will know you will become a hyper devil that accomplishes great feats and doesn't have to go to bed until 2 A.M. or later. So that was me for 12 days. I was off the hook, repainted most of the house, stayed awake through all hours of the night, and let triathlon go. 

I was ok with letting it go the first week. In 6 days I painted the kitchen, the kitchen cabinets, the mud room, the deck, the baseboards, the hallway, and the side porch. And by paint, I mean all kinds of crazy colors of PAINT. I was ok. I could paint and not think about triathlon. Take Caution: You might just get tired only by looking at THIS much paint!

SIDE PORCH:

Photo complement of Carrie Cox, Academy St. Photography

KITCHEN:

Kitchen

Kitchen Cabinets

Kitchen Cabinets

MUD ROOM:

HALLWAY:

DECK:

Ok, that was painting in just SIX days. The painting continued down to the chicken coops:

COOPA CABANA

LE POULET CHALET/CHICK INN

We had a party that weekend at our house. I was distracted with cleaning, painting, and then partying. We hosted the June Brewer's Guild meeting.

Imperial IPA judging before the meeting
Photo complement of Carrie Cox

Lots of food and people!
Photo complement of Carrie Cox

Lots of homebrew!
Photo complement of Carrie Cox

Photo complement of Carrie Cox

Serious meeting stuff!
Photo complement of Carrie Cox

Then Monday hit. I think I was tired of painting. Then I was just sad. I was sad I had worked so hard for so long for this to happen. I had to let triathlon go for a while. I didn't blog. I couldn't find anything positive to say. I didn't read triathlon articles. I have months of Triathlon magazines sitting in my house UNREAD. I have months of great triathlon articles delivered to my inbox UNREAD. I let it go. It was SO much of my identity and I thought about it ALL the time. It was probably good to let it go because it really CONSUMES me.

Then I was just sad ALL the time. I pretty sure I've been quite happy all my life and I usually feel happy on the inside but I was finding it hard to really smile. How can something as simple as swimming, biking, and running affect me so deeply? This is something that has only been in my life since 2010. I knew I loved it but I didn't realize how much happiness and freedom it really brought me. Nobody ever really talks about the emotional impact of the sport and the emotional impact of an injury. The graph below is a great representation of the feelings experienced. 

Clearly I was in denial for a long time. I thought, this will just get better. I was still in denial the first week of real rest but then anger and depression definitely kicked in. I had never "felt" or experienced depression but I have been SO down and on an emotional roller coaster. One day I completely broke down in tears sobbing realizing I was unmotivated. This was one of the hardest things for me to cope with. After so much time of having SO much motivation, I just didn't care anymore. Yes, I could have done some upper body weights, but I wasn't motivated. There was really not much positive to be found. Being unmotivated was a really awful shock to my system. To top it off I have been in pain ALL the time. It hurts to walk, it hurts to sit, and it hurts just doing nothing. The pain is there and it is constant. I can't live "normally". I can't run after the kids and can't even catch the chickens if I need to! I have to live life slower with controlled movements. For a Type A person, this is a TOUGH way to live! I usually do most things at high speed! It wasn't until my doctor's appointment on Monday July 8th that a veil had been lifted some for me. I'm at the "Decision" stage of the Kubler-Ross Change Curve in which I'm feeling more positive with the hopes of having a real diagnosis and a real treatment for the problem.

I finally had an appointment on Monday July 8th with an actual doctor, a sports medicine doctor, Dr. Bolin in Salem, VA. Within a minute he quickly said "stress fracture". This is what I had been saying all along but the PA I saw quickly shoved me out the door telling me I can't believe everything I read online. On Monday I finally go for a bone scan and on Wednesday I meet with the doctor again for a plan of action.

My lesson for the 2013 triathlon season has been to listen to my body and to be an advocate for my own health. Go see a sports medicine doctor. They can help! Stop ignoring the injury. It may not get better and it could get worse. My shin pain really started in November. I ignored it and it never got better. I've also learned I'm not invincible, I'm not immune to depression, and maybe I don't need to be THIS consumed with triathlon. It WILL still be there when I'm better. 

The Age Group National Championships are a month away on August 10th and 11th in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. This race predicts who will make the 2014 TEAM USA triathlon team. Clearly it is not realistic at this point I can go but I'm not throwing in the towel yet. I signed up for the Olympic and Sprint and while the Olympic is out for sure, I will keep a very small glimmer of hope for the sprint if I am healed by then. I might be the most out of shape triathlete there but if I am 100% I WILL be there! The Age Group Triathlon World Championship in London is definitely NOT out. I am there. I have time to heal. I am determined. I AM a triathlete! Injury is just part of what comes along with the journey!